In the movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Marilyn Monroe is asked why she pretends to be dumb and she replies that men prefer it that way. Do men really prefer it that way?... If so, is there a way women can be smart about pretending to be dumb? By doing so, can we all have "more fun"? I know a few women that are famous in my circle of friends for their ability to attract men. Although their appearances vary, the one thing they have in common seems to be their attractiveness to the men around them. What is it, you may ask? (I did.) The reason I have been given consistently is that they have a unique (and very attractive) ability to listen to a man, express genuine interest in what a man thinks and has to say and, generally, make a man feel like a man. The interesting thing is that, at the same time, this generally makes the woman feel more like a woman. This unique interaction between men and women is like a dance. It doesn't work in partner dancing for both partners to lead and the same applies in most relationships. One must lead and one must follow. If you have ever tried partner dancing, the leader has to do a lot but the follower must be able to relax and respond to the leaders requests. With the right synergy, the follower can experience a sense a freedom, comfort and safety in “going with the [leader’s] flow.” As a woman, you can experience these same feelings in your relationship. Maybe it's not about pretending to be dumb...maybe it's about relaxing our need to always be smart-er...And, doesn't it stand to reason that you would be more relaxed and less stressed if you were not trying to be right, demonstrate everything you know and basically debating all.the.time? Mama always said - if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all...is it also true that in our male-female relationships - if it's just about being proven right, don't say it at all? Now, just as the "nothing good to say" saying is not about NOT telling the truth, this is not about NOT standing up for what is right. This is about "choosing our battles." Try this... the next time you are with a man you like, love or are otherwise romantically interested in, be sensitive to when you feel the need to be right, when you feel the desire to ask a question just to make a point. Try to listen more than you talk and to (genuinely) use an open and interested tone (e.g. "that's an interesting point - i never thought about it that way - why do you think that" instead of "that doesn't make any sense - i've never heard of that"). Think of it as a dance...trust your partner to take the lead and enjoy the freedom (and fun) of following. |
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